The only problem was that she saw me every day in-world and on various social media sites and rarely said hello. Thus, “I miss you” rang false and hollow. I’d grown used to this kind of lip service. I’d know for awhile that actual friendship, daily chats, getting together, ect was a thing of the past. Honestly, that we talked at all was a minor miracle.

We’d know each other casually for awhile and then she started finding out that she was a sub. As we talked about it, we grew closer. “You are one of the three people I trust unreservedly,” she told me. I don’t know who the third is/was, but I know that two of us are gone.

I knew in my heart getting involved would end badly. But what she presented was so perfect and together, it compelled me to find out what lived behind the façade. It’s not pretty. The details confuse even me and there’s no need to recount them. Simply, I patiently listened to her bitch about her dom (I refused to cap him), held her hand and was a good friend. The guy is a collector, not a real Dom. (Example – once after asked me to use her while she was edging he didn’t even bothered with after care. He was fucking some other girl and couldn’t be bothered.) He decided he wanted this one girl but she was a switch. It was a measure of my own devotion that I allowed myself to be used as “bait”. Their words, not mine. Again – I knew it would end badly but I had to follow it through. This guy was such an ineffective dom that he never even claimed his new prize. We had a family for maybe about two months. He never bothered to define our roles so basically we sat around waiting for him to finish fucking some girl hoping he’d pay attention to us. Usually, he’d fall asleep. I got bored. My new Owner got bored. One night I snapped and aired all the complaints my sister had said to me.

A real Dom wouldn’t have stood for it. He did. He has no power at all which, I believe, is why he collects girls. They soon find him out for the fraud he is. My sister, though, being new to the whole thing and arrogant enough to believe that after a scant year of service she knew everything, stood by her first dom She refused to admit that the complaints I aired were complaints she’d aired with me just scant months before. Again, an actual Dom would have worked to resolve the situation. He went off and found some new girls to fuck.

My sister and I tried to reach an uneasy peace. We kind of did. Until she went to meet him RL. Leading up to it, she told me that he’d be the only one she’d let fuck in the ass. As the time drew closer, she talked about various strategies to make it appear as though they were online but were actually off fucking somewhere. Though it all, despite my hatred of him, I supported her.

The time arrived and, suddenly, she told me that all this stuff about fucking him wasn’t real. She wasn’t going to. They got together and soon they posted a picture of her in a collar. Later that night, she added “waking you up at 4am and fucking you back to sleep.”

I told her she was no longer my sister.

She was furious that I made what seemed to be an obvious assumption.

Let me stop and own up to something. After the “family” fell apart, I tried to hold onto her too closely. I was annoying. I’m not proud of myself.

After a bit of a hiatus, we tried to work through it all, but it was unfixable. I knew better than to trust her. She’d RL fucked two people at least one of which her husband didn’t know about. Call me cynical, but under those circumstance there’s no good reason to trust her.

I told her I was taking time off from talk with her. She seemed almost genuinely sad. When I came back, she was happy. So happy that she rarely spoke with me. I invited her to meet my new Owners. I invited her to meet my new friends. She invited me to…nothing. When I’d point out that we could talk  outside of SL, she’d say she wasn’t on skype a lot…or gchat…or text messaging…or facebook or…or…or.

Thus, when she said, “I miss you” she was being, to put it nicely, disingenuous. And that was the final straw. I sent her a goodbye email re-iterating what I’d told her before – I had no interest in a passve, hi/bye friendship. She had no use for my friendship and I was done.

I really shouldn’t have been surprised by the outcome. But it still sucks. Please understand – I don’t see myself as a victim. I walked into it myself. At times, I did not make good choices. At times, I would have thought I was an asshole, too.

I don’t know what will happen to them. Sometimes first-time relationships work out forever. I’ll never know. Nor do I want to.

“someday, sis…someday we will be in the exact position. the only difference is that you will push your sweet little finger down your belly…into your jeans…into your panties…and into your pretty little cunt. then you’l draw it slowly back up, leaving a trail of juice on your skin, bring your slick finger to my lips and feed me. i will lick and suck every drop of you. every delicious atom. and i will keep the taste of you in my mouth for the rest of the day, savoring the treat He allowed my for as long as possible. one day, that’s gonna happen, sis.”

of course, i couldn’t say that. i was not allowed to tease. i was allowed to yank her hair. but that’s what i was thinking.

she shook her head.

“i know.” i brushed her cunt through her skirt. “that sucks,” i said brightly. “how many times have you edged today?”

“twice”

“so that’s twice so you’ve had to take yourself just to the point of a huge, soul shaking orgasm….and stop”

“i sorta hate you right now.”

my fingers pushed her skirt against her moist, warm cunt feeling it twitching on my fingers. i pushed her feet aside with my foot and cupped it firmly.

“do you?” her cunt dripped slow onto her skirt as i teased it with my index finger causing her to inhale sharply.

“uh huh,” she croaked.

“Hm.” I frowned slightly. “because i’m allowed, you know, dear. for the moment, this cunt belongs to me. and,” i pushed finger into her mouth, “this mouth belongs to me. and your Owner allowed me to just about anything i want with you. close.”

she closed her soft lips around my finger and i slowly began finger fucking her mouth.

“don’t you move, girl. not a muscle. don’t make me tell him that you’re not good. because i know that you are. i know that you can be a good girl, can’t you.” she murmured greedily as my finger slid so easily through her lips. “but you don’t want my finger, do you. i think you want something else. hm? tell me what you want.” i slid my finger from her mouth

“want…your cock”

“in your mouth?”

“yessssss”

“not in your pussy?”

“n-n-nooooooo.”

“take of your skirt, girl”. she slipped it off shakily. i nudged her legs apart, my eyes riveted on her pretty bare pussy. my hand moved slowly between her legs, listening to her mews and yips as my fingers just barely touched her. “you don’t want my cock in your pussy?” my finger parted her lips. “right..there? you don’t want me to fuck you? i think your Owner does.”

“p-please. nooooo….”

“why, baby?”

“i…need to cum. can’t cum. please. don’t. don’t tease. please.”

“awwww,” i cooed with fake sincerity, ” i’m sorry, baby. i’ll tell you what. i’m thinking of a number from one to ten. if the number you think of is higher, i won’t push my finger into your needy little cunt. ok?” she nodded, biting her lower lip. “what’s your number?”

“3″

“very good! i was thinking of 1. now, let’s try it again. i’m thinking of a number from one to ten. if the number you tell me is lower i’m pushing two fingers into your cunt. ready?” she nodded again and opened her mouth to speak. i flicked her clit hard and she cried out. “you need to wait until i ask you, girl. don’t be rude. yes?”

she nodded. i let pain spread slowly from her clit upwards waiting at least a minute before asking her, watching her eyes darting, dying to answer, dying to ask if i’d forgotten.

“your number?”

“ten,” she whispered.

i shoved two fingers easily inside her and saw her head snap back.

“no. eleven. i cheated.” her cunt clutched hard at my fingers as i buried them deep. “now. put your finger on your clit. don’t rub. just leave it there.” hand shaking, she groaned as her finger found it. i pushed my other finger in her mouth. “i want your lips on my finger at all times, do you understand? do NOT open your fucking mouth for anything.” she nodded pitifully. “rub your clit slowly. very slowly”

as if she were arthritic, her finger shook as she made slow circles around her aching clit. i left my fingers pruning inside her, feeling every spasm she caused herself, feeling her lips buzzing on my finger as she moaned quietly.

“that’s a good girl,” i whispered, “very good girl. i want to say nice things about you. and you want me to say nice things about you, don’t you?”

she nodded slowly.

“let’s try it like this.” i slid my index finger from her mouth, replacing it with my ring finger. “good girl. do you wanna cum?”

she moaned her assent.

“you can’t. you’re not allowed,” i smile. “are you allowed to take your lips off my finger?”

she shook her head.

“for any reason?”

she shook her head again.

“that’s right. even…” i brought my thumb and forefinger to either side of her nose, slowly closing off her air passage. her eyes snapped open, jerking hard. i could feel her lips starting to leave my finger.

“ssssssshhhh,” i comforted, “calm down, baby. don’t let go of my finger. keep rubbing. if you need to air, blink three times” she immediately blinked three times. “don’t fuck around, dear,” i laughed, save it for when you need it. rub faster.”

her finger increased speed on her hard clit. i watched her stomach convulsing and felt a hard spasm on my fingers. she blinked three times and i allowed her a little air which she greedily took in before i closed it off again. her eyes began to water.

“fuck, look at you. so pretty. so needy. do you know hard you’re making my cock, girl? do you know? such good girl. i hope He knows what He has with you. rub it faster, baby….yessss…that’s good. faster….uh huh…wanna cum…getting close? i know you cuz you’re about to snap my fingers off…right to the edge, girl. right…to…the…fucking…edge.”

her finger flew over her clit shaking so hard. all at once, i pushed the finger away and pulled my fingers from her mouth, nose and cunt leaving her standing with her eyes in a state of shock, desperately trying to keep her balance. she just stood and shook, barely able to make sense of her surroundings.

gently and carefully i scooped her up and coddled her on the bed, stroking her hair and face whispering, “such a good girl, baby. such a good girl.”

i’m no longer G’s. that’s done with. when it was good, it was very, very  good and when it was bad it was awful. long story short – i need too much. i love Her. She will always be important to me. sometimes mom and dad just can’t make it work.

D was a headcase and really fucked me up. a word of advice: no matter how nice they are, it’s always going to be a crap shoot with a bi-polar Domme. we met once and it’s worth writing about but not at the moment. in the end, she jerked me around, played me masterfully and, among other things, threatened to send chat logs to my wife.  yeah. crazy.

C was another headcase. narcissism doesn’t begin to describe it. and not in a good way. she also seemed to have a drinking problem. learning that in retrospect, our fights make much more sense but there’s still nothing i could do about it. we kissed and made up as friends and, since i had no one, i didn’t really mind that she monopolized my time. i still had feeling for her. but, once i got collared (not to bury the lead) she went whacko and said i would never see her anymore. in the end, since she refused to believe me, i finally gave her what she expected.  i’d learned about that from D.

this is out of chronological order, i realize but, s – i’m really sorry. with all the shit that was going on, i couldn’t deal. so i shut down. if it’s any consolation, and i’m sure it’s not, i shut down on a lot of people. you asked me not to write you and i haven’t. but i think about you and i’m so very sorry.

which brings me up to the present, i think.

yes, i’m collared. it happened recently on 1.29.11. i am going to be the best boy i can be for Her. and not just for Her, but for my family. we are four – Sir, Miss, sis and me. it’s a lovely arraignment. and i’m looking forward to a long, happy familyhood.

Briefly:

Miss owns my collar. She is wonderful and kind to me. i’m certain we will have squabbles but i’m going to try not to instigate them.

Sir, as is proper, also owns my collar. He has already used this boy and it’s something i’ll get used to.

sis is the one that brought this all together. i adore her. she’s also 30mins away and we have coffee on a semi-regular basis.

that’s the bare bones. i’ll try to not lame out.

v

best. phone. sex. ever

‘fuck you’ bursts from my mouth before i even finish. it’s harder to read now than when we were together. she had no interest. i should have stayed gone the first time she said she had to go because she had a call scheduled. after a certain point in time it was just a process having me fill in until she found someone new. s or r or some letter that she could play with. i had to whine and wheedle for every small scrap of attention. ‘i’ll be back in myself soon, baby. i promise’.

all it took was getting rid of me.

i got a message to the effect that it was “that time of the day” (3:30am?) and gmail strives to be helpful so was i really sure that i wanted to send that email?  if i was sure i wanted to send it then i only needed to complete six simple math problems.

huh? was it really asking me if i was drunk-emailing?  i guess it was.  how fucking surreal is that to have your computer questioning your state of mind?

the AI must have something to do with time and keywords since another email from another account went through just fine.

or…

wait…

maybe my email account has been talking behind my back to my friends and therapist.  :-)

there are days when i’m so close to buying a shack in montana and leaving all of this behind.

and, thus, i’ve chosen “a” since i’m starting from scratch (and since “w” has horrible connotations).